Sometimes in life you make a decision so absurd, so atypical, that people notice. It’s not like wearing white after Labor Day or biking to work in the winter or buying organic carrots – it’s wearing neon-colored leggings to a business meeting or riding a unicycle for exercise or eating exclusively eggplant-based meals. It’s behavior that has no logical conclusion to trace back to from the outside looking in. It’s doing what people would never expect. More specifically, it’s ordering water at a bar.
There is a common belief about habits being formed in just a few weeks. In reality, most basic habits take over two months to solidify. Regardless, new habits refine old ones and serve as the foundation for the next habits. Over time, a person becomes the habits that fill each day.
Living abroad for four months breaks the barrier for habit forming. The first few weeks may seem like a vacation, but time has a way of sifting reality into the cracks and numbing the senses into familiarity. Once waking up in a strange room becomes normal, life has become a new set of habits and norms.
Living in another country is a bit like jumping off a cliff without testing the water. Swimming is easy, but the water could be freezing or dark or endlessly deep, but in the air it’s too late to second-guess the jump.
I went a semester in Europe without drinking (which I wrote about here). I made my choice, and I stuck to it. I could have changed my mind after a few weeks of settling in, as habits changed and thin ice became solid ground on which to walk. The lifestyle became familiar, and the standards changed. My standard hadn’t changed, though. Because it wasn’t really about drinking (seriously, look), but more about walking the path I wanted to see through, the enculturation didn’t seep through.
And it was worth it.
It took months of being back in America, relearning old habits and stowing others away into memories, to put words to the thoughts in my head. I have no doubt I made the right decision for me, and I know the decision wouldn’t have been right for everyone. Laying in bed at night, remembering the click-clacking of horse hooves on the cobblestones and the cold shadows of the Cathedral, that’s enough; the decision – and the justification – were mine.
Then I found out the puzzle put itself together while I was lost in the backstreets. My brother noticed my decision – and my reasons. For Christmas, he gave me a little toy Iron Man. He explained that Iron Man protects, like I protected him and our sister from alcohol. My reputation in their eyes is protective.
I realize, now, it was never simply about the alcohol. There are days when I think it must have been – after all, I avoided it. It’s bigger than that, though, which explains why it took so long to put the thoughts together. Living in the moment, I saw laughing friends and broken bottles. The big picture is so much more – and it took someone else to show me.
I didn’t drink because I chose not to, and it was worth it. The bigger picture goes beyond one decision, too. Making a choice culture doesn’t understand is okay, and standing out has its perks. Doing something people don’t expect might be necessary, and you might be wrong – someone might be expecting you to do exactly what seems crazy, because it’s worth it.
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