…drafts

It’s been awhile since I found the need to take to the keyboard to think things through. Life keeps happening, and there hasn’t been anything “big enough” to throw into a blog post. Some days are smoother than others, but it’s a nice ride overall. Really, I can’t complain. (I could, but who wants to read that? I’ll leave that to Twitter trolls.) It is a complicated world, but everyone who lives here knows.

Here’s the deal – that’s not entirely honest. If you want full disclosure, that’s too bad. I’ll explain why if you actually want to know, but full disclosure isn’t going to happen tonight or any other night. If you want the short update, stay in the introductory paragraph. If, by some chance, you feel like reading through a page smeared with blood, sweat, and tears – then let’s do this.

It hasn’t been that long since I took to the keyboard to think things through. I do it regularly. In fact, I grinded out a post between exhausted sighs yesterday. I just don’t post everything I write. Someone once decided that there should be a “Drafts” folder to save unfinished ideas. I live in the drafts – even this blog has sat as a draft for months. It isn’t because I need more words to fill the page – I need a dam more than a faucet. The problem is I’m not sure I’d be ready to read the words as I type them. As long as my reason for leaving an idea in the dusty corner of the drafts is because I am not ready to finish it, I have no objection.

I do, however, object to leaving a draft to lie dormant because I don’t know how people will respond. Some thoughts should never be put on blast, no matter how clever they may be. Some battles aren’t worth getting involved. Some hills make for great places to stroll, but not a place to die. That’s reality – and words are valuable only if you spend them on things of value. There aren’t drafts because I don’t want to step on toes; I’ll break toes if necessary. Drafts aren’t the result of controversial topics; if I’ve made a decision, I can back it up.

The drafts are for me to finish – maybe I need to dress it up or strip it down. Some posts are so awash with tears that I don’t finish the sentences; sometimes the sentences haven’t ended before I started to type. Other posts are streaked with blood I’ve spilt and some scabs need to scar before I step back into the ring. There are drafts warped from sweat that still demand grueling attention.

There can’t be full disclosure in a blog post – it’s too raw and too deep for mere words. The words that pour out of my fingers can accomplish much, but how the words taste in my mouth and their rhythm to a listener’s ears equip the words for an impact greater than a scrolling screen. It’s for this reason some drafts get deleted, some get posted, and some sit there. I don’t hide in the drafts – I live there, work there, rest there, and more often than not, launch from there. I posted this, after all.